Although it’s unseemly to equate adopting a child with buying a car, in truth, the transactions are very similar. I’m not talking about the emotional similarities because there is obviously no comparison (although I’m sure there are some people who really love their cars). What I’m talking about is the process. In both instances:
- Research is key. You’ll want to make sure that you’ve selected a reputable vendor who supplies only the best inventory at fair market prices. And indeed, this is not a decision that should be dictated by price alone. Value is much more important.
- Taking a test drive is key. While things may look shiny and pretty from the outside, looks aren’t the only thing that matter. The insides count even more. If you have friends or family with a similar model to what you’re considering, give it a whirl. You might realize that it’s a perfect fit—or it’s not at all what you’re looking for.
- Making a wish list is key. And being honest with yourself about what’s on (and not on) that list is critically important. Don’t say it doesn’t matter what color you get (as long as it’s running properly) when you know that you’ve always really wanted a pink one and not a blue one. You will end up with the blue one and then…
- Expect immediate buyer’s remorse. It doesn’t last long if it’s meant to be, so be patient and it will pass. If it doesn’t pass, then you didn’t properly research what you wanted, didn’t do a thorough enough test drive and you probably weren’t completely honest with yourself about what you really wanted in the first place. Doing a trade-in at this point is bad because as soon as you took it home, the thing already depreciated in value and will forever be dubbed a lemon. (These kinds of people should stick to buying cars and not be adoptive parents. Seriously.)
When busy daddy and I started the adoption process, I had already spent three years researching before actually pulling the trigger. Because we both come from big families, we had been practicing for years with myriad nieces, nephews and family pets, so we felt that we were ready to take on parenthood ourselves.
As for our wish list, we were brutally honest about what we wanted: Healthy child only, no major health issues—save for albinism (yeah, I don’t know why this was on our list, but it was); no pre-birth drug/alcohol exposure; race unimportant but prefer mixed race (any combination); gender unimportant but prefer male (because two guys raising a girl would mean way too much shopping for pretty dresses, a story for another day); preference for twins or any multiple combination.
OK, here’s the nutty part: when we were first going through our wish list, we really wanted twins. For practical reasons, we wanted to kick-start our family and felt it would be easiest to get a two-fer rather than go through the entire process again. For emotional reasons, we are surrounded by twins. Busy daddy has a twin sister (busy auntie) who is married to a twin herself. I have at least six friends who are twins. Plus, twins freakin’ rock.
Now that I have a singleton, I don’t know how people who have twins do it. I can barely take care of one kid. So major snaps to all those parents of twins. You have my utmost admiration because anything I’ve ever struggled with or complained about in this crazy parenting gig, you’ve done two-fold and more.
Why am I talking about twins? Oh yeah, on this day (not so) many moons ago, busy daddy (pictured above, left) and busy auntie (above, right) came rocking and rolling into the world, so happy, happy birthday to them! Gemini’s Twins, indeed!
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- brooklynsweetwater said: Love this post. Given the money aspect of adoption, at times I can’t help but feel like I’m preparing to make a really important “purchase.” Great photo of busy daddy and auntie!
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