Ugh. You’d think that getting a yummy cuppa...

Ugh. You’d think that getting a yummy cuppa watermelon sorbetto from the fancy-pants gelato joint in my office building would improve my foul mood, but instead it just aggravated me even more.

Here are some protips for the gaggle of hapless, bug-eyed tourists trying to place their gelato orders:

There are only three cup sizes: small, medium, and large. That’s it, moron.
If you decide to order your gelato in a waffle cone, then there are two sizes: small and large. That’s it, moron.
Don’t sample Every Single Flavor. Seriously, not cool, moron.
There are only a dozen flavors, which are all written on the blackboard. Also, it’s a menu, not 50 Shades of Grey. It shouldn’t take you more than a minute to read the flavor selection. If you need more time to study the flavors, step out of line, moron.
Choose one or two or three flavors. No, you can’t have three scoops in a small cup. Three scoops is a large, no matter how small the scoops, moron.
If the flavor you want isn’t on the blackboard, they don’t have it. Cotton candy or rocky road is not a gelato flavor, moron.
Yes, the large cup costs nearly $7. Get over it, moron.