Lazy Dad's Guide to Everything

Hi kelove! Oh, you better be careful what you’re offering cuz next thing you know, a random tattooed fellow who’s going through a mid-life crisis will be knocking on your door! How about I meet you at the Heath Factory Store in Sausalito? ;)

Hi the31styear! I debated whether or not to respond to your comment on my last post, but I felt that out of respect to you and others who were offended by what I said, I should clarify.

First, I didn’t mean to suggest that only white people act as grammar Nazis. What I said was that in my personal experience, more often than not, it’s white people who go out of their way to correct the spoken and written English of non-white people. Certainly, grammar Nazis come from all walks of life. Second, all white people are not assholes. The funny thing about asshole-ism is that it’s an equal opportunity condition that afflicts all races.

I did mean to suggest, however, that people who like to demean others for their imperfect or improper use of English are assholes. My point is: the wonderful thing about language in general—and English in particular—is that it’s constantly evolving and what’s deemed imperfect or improper at a given moment in time could turn out to be perfectly acceptable in another.

I make the distinction between non-white, non-native English speakers and white, non-native English speakers because I believe that non-white, non-native English speakers are often treated as if we are less intelligent or less cultured or less sophisticated because we might speak with an accent that’s not as mellifluous to the Western ear as the accent of someone who comes from a non-English-speaking, predominantly white country.

My larger point is that (some) people get their jollies by castigating other people (of all races) because how they speak or what they write—on their Tumblr blogs, for example—isn’t said or written to the precise grammatical specifications that these grammar Nazis have arbitrarily decided we should all follow. Unless these people who demean others for their poor English are perfect themselves and possess doctorate degrees in English literature from Harvard, I just don’t think it’s cool to judge others on their usage of English. And if these grammar Nazis are, in fact, perfect Harvard graduates, then they are simply being assholes.

Despite the fact that I have two degrees in Creative Writing (in English), sometimes I like to pretend that I don’t know how to speak English. This is especially true when strangers on the street come up to me and ask, “Excuse me, do you speak English?” I usually respond, “I’m sorry, I don’t speak English.” And then I walk away.

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