I guess this happened today. Some people are going to be pissed. While others are going to run out and marry the nearest ice cream cone because obvs radical judges redefining marriage is totes a slippery slope. Meanwhile, the rest of us—a.k.a. those with functioning brains—are like, Meh? It’s about time, now where’s the ice cream? To eat, silly, not to marry!
Gotta love Amercia!!!
Meet Curtis Knapp, the New Hope Baptist Church Pastor who preached that the government should kill homosexuals. His reasoning? According to eyewitness reports, Pastor Knapp was “upset” and “confused” when Sharon Needles was recently crowned America’s Next Drag Superstar.
Speaking to close friends and advisors, Pastor Knapp said, “Phi Phi O’Hara is the epitome of a beautiful, glamorous young lady, and she was robbed, I tell you! Clearly the professional homosexual community was not listening to the Word of God when they foolishly decided to vote for Sharon ‘Satanist’ Needles as the winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Ergo, the government should kill homosexuals. Or at least perform a recount. Or perform a Lipsync for Your Life! That shizz is hard!”
Pastor Knapp could not be reached for further comment, but his “personal butler” Shane told friends, “Pastor was bent way out of shape when Sharon won Drag Race. But I told him, ‘Girl, Phi Phi will have her day in the spotlight!’ But then girlfriend started talking about killing the gays and stuff. It’s like Pastor went cray-cray all because of RuPaul’s Drag Race! I told him it’s just a show!”
Shane continued, “After two Xanax and a facial, though, girlfriend calmed down a bit. And by facial, I mean a facial, if you know where I’m going with this! Ha! Is this thing on? Bueller?”
True story.
BTW, if I ever say anything stupid to you like, Hey, maybe I should grow my hair out again, you know, because old dudes can totally rock ponytails as well as anyone, please please please remind me that old dudes can’t. Sad face.
Just in case all foods containing sugar, fat, and salt (a.k.a. Things That Taste Good) are completely banned from all New York restaurants, I decided to order the fatty-est, sugary-est, saltiest double bacon cheeseburger with seasoned french fries and a regular Coke during my busy business lady lunch today. Because, you know, if Mayor Bloomberg had his way, busy business ladies in New York would be forced to eat only celery sticks and drink vodka martinis for lunch.
Ugh. The morning “news” had a segment about Mayor Bloomberg’s push to limit-slash-ban sugary sodas in restaurants and stores. Because adults can’t control themselves or control their children when it comes to how much soda they drink.
Welcome to New York, the Ultimate Nanny State!
